Foster Envy

We all have heroes. People that we look up to for whatever reasons we may have. This week I have a new hero to add to my list called fosters.

I like to start with small expectations, such as saving all the animals in the world. Thus I decided I was going to foster kittens for the very first time. Only for a short period of time until the rescue could open up some room for them.

After a few despairing hours of trying to catch the mama cat & her babies, we ended up only capturing two kittens, approximately 4 weeks old. Shivering next to each other in our overly large carrier, we packed them up & took them home.

I can't tell you the number of bets amongst friends and family that were taking place that we would keep them. From the start we told ourselves & everyone else, we would NOT be keeping them. We were a temporary home until they could be adopted or room was made in the rescue.

The first day makes me giggle as I recall reaching towards the little boy & him wildly hissing at us. The hiss was no louder than a human quickly inhaling through their nose, yet he was trying to be so intimidating.

We set up "house" in the garage. Tried to "baby" proof as much as possible though it contained many stored items, such as a kayak, box spring, grill, bikes, tubes & more. We had a cage for them to sleep in so many items weren't a risk to their curiosity.

Within a few days, he calmed down & they became much more approachable, not that they were intimidating :D just wanted them to get accustomed to the new place so they would feel comfortable.

This was all new to us, in the days to come we would encounter new adventures & lessons, such as:

~how to tell gender ~ 1 girl & 1 boy (we think)

~moistening their food for them (which drove the indoor kitties nuts to smell)

~washing them up with Dawn detergent (just like they did with the penguins)

~giving them de-wormer (this was a hoot!) ◄ sarcasm

~socializing them by spending as much time as possible handling them (my favorite part ♥)

We eventually choose to let them run free, we just didn't like caging them up every day & night. We set up a puppy bed & a large blanket on the floor for them to rest comfortably (and for our tushies when we spent countless hours playing with them) and a fan to keep it as cool as possible during these hot summer days.

Weeks went by & we were asked to keep them until their spay/neuter appointment which was no problem because we were downright enjoying our time with them. Plus at this point they already had an adoptive family lined up so why move them around again so we decided to keep them until it was time for adoption.

They earned names, though this was a big no-no in my book, it just happened. He was Griffin & she was Gertie. She had the personality of a firecracker! Couldn't sit still for long. He was calmer & very loving. Both motors would instantly start as soon as they were picked up. They'd run to the door as soon as they heard the knob. Griffin was a kisser ♥ he loved to kiss you right on your lips. Gertie loved to bat at the strands of hair that dangled in my face.

June 30th came, they got fixed & the countdown began. The didn't need much "recovery" time, they're kittens & they spring right back. So we scheduled for them to be picked up by their new family on July 3rd. I was strong about it & kept saying "they're going to a good home, we did what needed to be done"...... until they were gone.

I've sobbed for days. I cry myself to sleep & cry when I wake knowing my mornings won't be the same seeing their furry little butts charging at me. I miss them with every ounce of my soul. If I had the heart to be selfish I would have never let them go, but I couldn't do that to this family who was looking so forward to their new additions. I wear a bracelet I gave them to play with that I found on the garage floor, silly? Maybe to some, but I just need that little piece to hold onto until I'm ready to break free completely & say "it's ok".

We did a great thing, we saved them & found them a wonderful loving home & for that I am so thankful we did. But I can't ever do it again. I will help find fosters & families but I can never be a foster. It's a part of my heart I won't get back & what's left just aches.